All the Glossier Products I’ve Tried…

Glossier’s whole minimalist “Skin first. Makeup second” philosophy is one with which I wholeheartedly agree. Although I possibly have more of a “Skin first. Makeup almost never” philosophy (I do like lipstick but hardly ever wear that either, tbh).

I will happily spend ages on my lengthy ablution routine but have little patience for the application of actual makeup. I don’t like the way it feels, I’m often—due to my terrorizing skin—allergic to it, I don’t like looking like I’m wearing makeup, and even when I have clear skin, I flush easily, so concealers tend to look like they’re sitting on top of something (something very red).

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“Makeup that lets skin look like…skin!” Except if you’re my skin…

Stretch Concealer, which I purchased in Medium, is composed of “elastic micro waxes that move with your face instead of caking on top of it.” Fine and fine. But the real selling point in their description was: “In five shades painstakingly developed to enhance, brighten, and—most importantly—completely disappear into the widest range of skin tones.” Yesssss. Completely disappear but make these red areas not be so red! Sadly, it does not do that to me. Its cakey appearance sits atop my skin and does not disappear at all—like all other concealers and BB creams and tinted moisturizers I’ve ever tried. It also really dries me out. Like. REALLY dries me out. My face starts peeling while it’s on my face, falling off in concealer-colored flakes.

I continue to not wear concealer.

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Lipstick that looks like you licked off your lipstick.

Ewps, my bad, Generation G has the “look and finish of just-blotted lipstick, without the blot,” NOT just-licked lipstick. You know, they aren’t lying. It definitely looks like faded lipstick. You keep wanting to put more on because it seems like you didn’t put it on right. I don’t hate these, they have a matte look—no shine, so if you’re feeling chapped, note they will not help you not look chapped. They will make you look like you have chapped lips with faded lipstick in the cracks.

I have Crush (hot raspberry pink) and Zip (poppy red), and I keep them in my jacket pocket and put them on when I realize I’m looking particularly ratty and disheveled. I don’t really get excited about them, but they’re good for what they are. And what they are is exactly as described with their words, not really what I see in the pictures of the models. I didn’t become a model when I got these?!!? SHOCK and AMAZE.

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But the packaging, amirite?

Cloud Paint is a gel-cream blush in colors inspired by NYC sunsets. I got the wrong colors of sunset for my skin (Dusk and Beam) because of my wish that my natural and almost constant flush was more of a bronzy-orange color of flush than a fuschia-raspberry color of flush.

Yes, even though I am naturally very pink-cheeked, I occasionally use blush to try and even the whole scene out. With intermittent success. As I mentioned, I didn’t get the right colors, but I like these. I would probably like the correct colors even more. Dusk looks a little like I’ve put dirt—or have an old bruise—on my face. No, it does not look like bronzer (which, come on, often looks like dirt); it looks like a dirt bruise…on me.

And Beam is orange. So. Definitely not my natural color. But. I like the consistency of the formula. And also, of course, the perfect packaging.

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Boy Brow!

I have mentioned my black eyebrows, and I got Bow Brow in black. But I if I do it again, I’ll get clear. To help myself out with the inevitable face touching I do throughout the day. But your hands are grubby and dirty and covered in germs. Just don’t touch your face. It’s happening, and that’s just all there is to it. My eyebrows are fairly thick, minus this one part I want to grow in SO badly. Not badly enough to be consistent. But, like. Pretty badly. Boy Brow helps groom them into the more tidy shape I’m sure they want to be in, makes them look fuller, and then holds them in place. Which, if you’re trying to brush some of your eyebrow into an eyebrow area with a little hole, is very handy. Approve. Would buy again.





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