All the Fountain Supplements I’ve Tried…

Why not get on this train.

Fish and death

Fountain Phyto-Collagen Molecule has “hydrolyzed collagen, wild phytoplankton, L-glutathione and hyaluronic acid matrix to supplement your own collagen and support new collagen formation to keep you looking youthful from within.” Blah blee blah. Those words are impossible.

Ermegerd, this stuff is so, so, SO rough. So rough, I don’t know that I care what it might do for me. I can taste it when I think about it—and the taste is fishy, bitter, and thick. Gag. Took it for a little over a week. And. I just had to decide to treat myself to not taking it at all.

Carrots, all the carrots

The Happy Molecule contains lots of GABA carrot complex (200 mg) and hyaluronic acid. GABA helps keep you upbeat and “counteract the effects of chronic and short-term stress.” This did not give me the energy boost described in some of the reviews. In fact. It put me to sleep. In fact, in fact, the first week I took it I had the best sleep in ages. It made me sleep. It made Rusty furious. And when Caroline took it, she cried. So.

Then, even though I slept like a baby on it, I just stopped taking it—didn’t even finish the bottle (I’m seeing the pattern here), but I’ve been thinking about trying it again just to see what it will do.

This tastes the best of the bunch, but it doesn’t taste like pineapple in the least. Has a nice concentrated sort of nameless tart fruit taste.

As much as a thousand bowls of salad—I exaggerate

Unlike The Happy Molecule, The Super Green Molecule definitely affected my energy levels—not in an insane, bouncing-off-the-walls way, but in a feeling alert, ready-to-go way. It has mulberry leaves, kelp, and hyaluronic acid, and it will turn your tongue green, but only for a brief time—certainly not to the degree they say it will unless you’re swishing it all around in your mouth.

It tastes fine. Definitely not like a kiwi. It’s tart but not gag-inducing (see above). Like everyone else this winter, I was very interested in not getting the flu. And I feel like this (or possibly the several other supplements I religiously took) helped boost my immune system. I haven’t been sick at all this season. I’m also pretty sturdy usually. But. I do occasionally get a cold. So. Thumbs up. OR. Thumbs up to the other stuff I took.

Enjoy this edible rubber cement

The Glow Molecule has a concentrated dose of glutathione which supposedly cures EVERYTHING. It’s an insane antioxidant and is produced and used by every cell in the human body. Etc. Etc.

According to Fountain, it “brings out a bright, youthful-looking glow within a week of use with continued improvements.” According to the Internet, it *may* help fight stress, heal the gut, help ADHD, limit neurodegeneration (which causes Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, Huntington’s, etc.), help prevent heart disease, and on and on and on and on. Pretty much it *MAYBE* cures and prevents everything.

This stuff doesn’t taste terrible, but the consistency—rubber cement—is hard to get used to. I don’t feel like a superhero when I take it, but I kinda notice when I don’t take it. It could be it actually does help with my incredible attention problems. If I paid closer attention, I might know for sure. And, because I’ve been taking it along with The Super Green Molecule, this may be what has been helping me avoid the flu…who even knows.

Made out of ‘member berries

The Beauty Molecule has a bunch of resveratrol in it (40mg/teaspoon). Yet another *powerful* antioxidant that can help protect the tender brain and all the rememberings inside it. It can also help with calorie restriction—I’ve been hungry for all the usual amounts of food as far as I can tell.

Despite continuing to be a whale moose, I think this one might be my favorite. Of what, as I look back through, appears to be a somewhat low bar.

This was the first one I tried—had been feeling foggy and unfocused beyond the usual amounts of not paying attention. Am I becoming an old. Possibly. Anyway.

It does feel like it’s doing something with my memory. Maybe it’s just a placebo effect (ermegerd, the amount of time sitting here trying to remember the word “placebo” could mean this isn’t working as well as I’d hoped…), but I can get on board with sugar pills.


One comment

  1. OMG! I’m dying laughing: I kinda notice when I don’t take it. It could be it actually does help with my incredible attention problems. If I paid closer attention, I might know for sure.


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