While I’ve developed elaborate routines for most other parts of myself, my hands tend to fall by the wayside since I’m constantly using them to get into things. I never have nails—cut them off as soon as they appear—and, since I’m dry and don’t take care of them, they tend to look…dry and not taken care of. I don’t bite my nails no matter what Rusty says. But. I do bite AROUND them when I get keyed up.

I want to do that right now just thinking about it.

It’s always been this way. When I was barely 21, a palm reader looked at my hands and asked me if I was a farmer. So.

In an attempt to take care of them a little better, I got a Dr. Hauschka Neem Nail and Cuticle Pen based on reviews where someone was like: “I carry one with me everywhere and just oil my nails during slow moments of the day.”

I sometimes have slow moments.

This thing is fun to use to push down/back your cuticles, but unfortunately, there’s not enough oil coming out of it to make a real difference for me. I like the concept, but there isn’t an impressive end result. Some people love it, so I suppose there could be an issue of quality control.