Baby Foot

After an endless winter, why wouldn’t I try Baby Foot the instant I don’t have to wear socks anymore.

I hate wearing socks. And shoes. And clothes. Then why do you have so many? Rusty. Stahp badgering me!!! Just kidding. He’s very supportive as we live our lives in a nest of boxes and clean, yet unfolded, laundry.


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and laaaadies

Baby Foot is available in both men’s and women’s one-size-fits-all sizes. The women’s fits up to…I actually don’t know. And the men’s Baby Foot fits up to a men’s size 14 except not because Rusty wears a 14 and split the end of one of the booties open when he stretched out his toes. So. It *almost* fits up to a size 14 shoe. Women’s Baby Foot is lavender scented and men’s Baby Foot is mint scented. Obviously, neither smell like lavender or mint.

Rusty likes to do annoying things such as following directions and doing things the right way, so, as suggested on the box, we soaked our feet in warm water before putting them in the booties. They come in a foil packet along with six strips of tape to tape yourself in (they give you a pretty wide opening to put your foot inside).

Then they suggest putting socks OVER the enormous booties. I support doing this because your foot swims around inside the boot, and a sock helps hold you in the acid you’ve decided to sit in for an hour. I used Rusty’s socks because they’re bigger than mine, and I didn’t want to potentially ruin my own.

There we sat. You CAN walk around in them if you must. But obviously, it’s not ideal to trot around in them. Like all times when I need to sit still, all I can think about is how I’m a prisoner, and there are a million things I suddenly want to do.

It’s not like they burn, but it’s not like they’re comfortable either. They’re uncomfortably warm. And also uncomfortably uncomfortable. The hour seemed endless. ENDLESS I TELL YOU.

But then it was over. As tends to happen with endless times.

We took the booties off and washed our feet.

And then the real discomfort began. Hahahaha. Jokes. But also. For serious. Like the discomfort of wearing the booties (which, as I said, isn’t so terrible. It’s just not comfortable), having them off does not feel great but isn’t terrible either. Getting in bed the first night, my feet felt SO dry. I FELT my feet. They were there. Being there. And being dry. And sandpapery. Glerg.

The packaging says it takes a few days, and it does. The third day, pretty much Rusty’s whole feet came off in sheets. Like. The skin of entire toes just came right off.

Rusty’s snakeskin foot that he put ON the bedspread while I shrieked in horror and fury. And took pictures.

I don’t have any pics of mine because it was anticlimactic. Yes, all my skin has come off. But it came off in shreds—not sheets—over the course of MANY days. I kept waiting for a more interesting moment since I’m too me to document an entire process, and now it’s done, so I missed it.

At first, I said I would never do this again because I hated how it felt so dry afterward. And I could FEEL my that my feet were there. *shiver*

But now I look at my feet and see there’s no dryness on my heels and how soft they feel, and I think maybe I will. Rusty loved it and wants to do it again. But his results (see above) were incredibly satisfying.





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